A few years ago, I was meeting with a client and getting emotionally entrenched as she shared with me her feeling of overwhelm about many things in her life: her job search, her marriage, her finances and her strong desire to get some momentum in her business, and she felt paralyzed by so many things to do. She was doing some things but not the right things. She finally said “I have so many moving parts in my life and so many things that aren’t working that I just don’t know what to do!” Prior to our meeting, she sent me an update of what was up for her at that moment, and I felt the sheer agony that she was feeling through her words and knew that our coaching call would require me to empower her in a much different way than normal.
I told her to quit and here’s the reason why…
I could relate to what she was going through – wanting to move forward and stay visible and relevant but paralyzed by my circumstances. After I suffered my second stroke, I had a pretty intense rehabilitation period where I…
- had to learn how to walk without losing my balance. (I still have a limp, but my stilettos keep me balanced)
- learn how to fully articulate my words. (Speech therapy helped, but I still have to remain consciously aware due to the side effects of having dysarthria.)
- learn how to write. (I’m right-handed and the stroke affected my right side, including my ability to write legibly)
- learn how to work within the structure of how my brain functions. (I was told that two parts of my brain are DEAD.)
- QUIT obsessing over the need to be visible
- QUIT obsessing over what people will think of the new me with a slight speech impediment
- QUIT trying to get a new client right now and focus on serving the ones you have with ease and grace
- QUIT going into that darn office every morning tormenting yourself, because you haven’t quite figured out how to maximize your brain to produce yet
- QUIT obsessing over trying to find the old you and fully step into and embrace the new and improved you.
Instead, I want you to simply be thankful, be still and listen.
That’s exactly what I did. I took the time to disconnect from what was paralyzing me so that I could create the space to get clarity on what I really needed to do next.
And…I advised my client to do the same. I told her to do 3 things right away:
- Make an empowered decision. Either go hard on finding a job or growing her business but she can’t do both. Neither her financial situation nor her mental capacity can support her trying to do both right now.
- Look for the fastest path to cash. Leverage her expertise and know-how to consider her lowest hanging fruit. This would give her the answer on where she needs to focus her time.
- Commit to Take Inspired Action. Since she chose the job hunt and leveraging her contacts with prior consulting gigs, I gave her a few ‘set it and forget it’ things that she can do with her business. This will allow her to stay present with her clients & prospects, stay connected within her business industry while giving focused and dedicated time to her family and her job hunt.
If you find yourself stuck and paralyzed by uncertainty of your next bold move, below are six ways to get unstuck, get clear and get going.
Stop Pursuing, Relax and Give Gratitude
You must commit to slowing down in order to speed up. In order to slow down, you have to be okay with your decision to do so. You can’t be in battle with yourself trying to slow down but feeling anxiety about not doing all the other stuff. Once you become one with yor decision to quit, take some time to be thankful for all that is. You might choose to simply make a mental note, write it down or even send a few gratitude notes to the special people in your life. Do what ever works for you.
Clear the Clutter to Make Room for Clarity and Focus
Clearing the clutter will give you space and peace you need to make empowered decisions. Start by acknowledging what’s tripping you up. If you’re unsure whether it’s really a nuisance or just something that you can easily shift, ask yourself two simple questions:
- How does this serve me?
- How does this hurt me?
Honor Your Internal Authority
Don’t become dependent on others to give you permission to choose. You definitely don’t want to be a lone leader so it is good to get insight from others who have had a similar experience. However, do not let that be your excuse for indecision. Decide based upon your own internal authority. Adopt Cicero’s mantra that says “No one can give you wiser advice than yourself”.
Stay Real and Check In With Your Intellect
Let your intuition guide you, but balance it with a reality check with your intellect. You’ll notice that I didn’t tell my client what to choose, because only she knows the gravity of her situation. Her choice determines her hustle and her hustle is based her reality. I did, however, help her get free by encouraging her to make a choice, because decision liberates you to move forward. Then and only then did I offer her some suggestions on what would get her the best results in the shortest amount of time.
Share Your New Commitments
Share your commitments with 1 or 2 other people. It has to be someone who you can trust to hold you high so that you do not lose sight of your revised vision. In the case of my client, I also encouraged her to share her commitments with her family so that they not only understand them but more importantly, they need to know that family is a priority for her.
Live Your Life!
Time is a non-renewable commodity and it certainly doesn’t sit still while we’re stuck in the valley. I know that this one is tough, but one of the many revelations I received in the midst of my revival, is that although I sometimes dreaded ‘getting out’ once I did, I felt pretty darn good. When I got out of my ego and into my heart, I was able to be fully present in my fellowship with my family and friends. I was able to relax, have fun and be perfectly okay with my decision to quit.
If you’re stuck in the midst of your chaos, commit to doing whatever it takes to get unstuck. Until you commit to leading yourself, it will be impossible to lead others! Join us in Phoenix, AZ on Saturday, July 1st for the 4th Annual Women Powered Up Experience.